fun joke story College | Redneck | Female | Barroom | sexuality | Yo Mama | Children | Sports | Lawyer | 
Foreign | Animals | Male And Female | Religious | Blondes | other jokes |  Search  Links  

Home -> Redneck -> Southern Horoscope

    

Southern Horoscope

Previous 5 topics:
Newlyweds
Mississippi Student Absentees
An Old Farmers Advice
Louisiana Delivery Room
Wages
The First Time
Cajun Logic
Redneck Christmas
Redneck Engineering
Scared Stiff

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people thatread them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the peoplethey represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners understand: See thelist below...

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside. Okrashave tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and seethe seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do something good each day ifyou try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin,however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots ofseasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they may surprise you. They canerupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You'reunsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep intothe interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven asif you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much.Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time on thefront porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big andround are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotelyinterested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. You always have a big smileand are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possumshave a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-itattitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead.This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work foryou. You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You area night person and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office,you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to themountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. Youtend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very goodheads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. Theylove to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essenceof those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, andbaseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stayaway from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart,although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish arenever easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard. Eventhough you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are likedby most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travelthough, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like togo? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time.If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help yourfellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and lovedones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticismwill affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. Youshould go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way,yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people willalways pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party becauseButter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should beproud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter whatthe setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't haveanything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior,but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Oldfriends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback.You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concernedwith anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests andbehavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possumis another somewhat kinky mating possibility.