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Yankee Test

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We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are.

We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by theUniversity of Arkansas Engineering Department:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in yourfront yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons ofshine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense thefinished product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of thepine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acresin size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. -- --

How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it's charge of R-12simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a fieldrock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porchfloor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogswill be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with anaverage slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown childrenplace a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for theirelectric appliances to sit out on the front porch?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on asecondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions onsecondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehiclewith a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mineemploys 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during thatshift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation,how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breeda country-western singer?

O.K. -- all you smarties answer up!